I’ll be honest, there are a lot of things I am not good at. However, I have learned what I am capable of in order to succeed to the best of my ability.
Having just finished up my general education courses this fall semester, I took my final math class. If you have kept up with my other posts, you are fully aware that I am the girl who still counts with her fingers, cannot do long division, who pulls out her phone’s calculator prior to tipping the waiter at Olive Garden. I am also the girl who asks questions, who chats with the professor during office hours, who dedicates hours in the lab even if I need help on every question. Knowing what I do not understand and what makes me happy is just as important as knowing what does not. I knew leaving my 8 to 10:40 p.m. final at 9:45 p.m., I did not ace that exam. I was tired, my foot was falling asleep and well, I wanted to go get “Breakfast at Night” with my friends. However, I also knew that after dedicating the entire semester to maintain my attendance, completing all the online assignments, and doing my absolute best, that whatever came about that scantron would not matter. And it didn’t.
This year, just about everything took a 360 (shit, I just referenced geometry, do we really “use math in our everyday lives” after all?). I am still learning if it was all for the best. A lot of things I care about, a few people I care about, have taken the back seat in my life. It wasn’t until after driving three hours to Urbana- Champaign to pick my sister up from school at the University of Illinois, that I realized something. My right side mirror was completely pushed in. I was careless and hardly noticed that I was half blind, alone, on the highway for over a hundred miles. Despite this metaphor being dangerous and awful, ironically enough, it opened my eyes to a concept I until recently ignored. For three hours, I looked forward. I trusted myself enough to continue despite the uncertainty of what laid ahead.
I am human. I care too much. One thing I do know? I am a good friend. Maybe not the best, but I have never been anything less than kind to the people around me that have shown me the same. I value those in my life greatly. I have been so lucky to form the relationships I have and I truly hope I can maintain them for several years to come. Although, I must re-learn to exert those same efforts towards myself.
Constantly looking back and trying to mend a path that no longer has potential for a destination, well, it is traumatic. I don't know exactly where I plan on going next, but I can tell you one thing: I am driving straight ahead.