There comes a point at my age when you have to look at your life and evaluate it. At my age, most of my friends have either gone through school and graduated or they have become parents, which blows my mind. I see my friend, Andy, and he is a great dad but then I think of when we went to the outskirts of Petersburg and shot his semi-automatic rifle into the darkened forest. The only thing that comes to mind when you remember that is, “He is a dad. This crazy, funny, strange man is a dad.”
So, I have my freak outs about classes and about how hard a test will be but something calls out from somewhere far away. Somewhere far down there that is primal. Higher learning is amazing but I can still feel the call in me and it makes the trees dwarf from the massiveness of the forest. I see my friends working in their fields and moving to Japan or Korea; it is unsettling. You see everyone around you having kids and getting married whereas, being a grad student, you barely have time to yourself. I know that I made the right decision for me, but I keep hearing that call from deep within that says I should be traveling.
I know what the alternative is to this life but whenever I get bogged down by stress, I stop looking at the trees. I take a step back and see the beauty of the forest with all its amber leaves. I take a look and realize that I am just a tourist. I am just a tourist who is trying to get the most out of my stay here, however long it lasts. So, that test that is coming up seems so miniscule compared to the reality that comes later. Life is on pause until I graduate and hit play.
In two years, I will be able to answer and satiate that call from somewhere down there.