I think there comes a time in every student’s life where you have to ask yourself, “what the heck am I doing?”
I looked in the mirror and asked myself the same thing. I walked out into my living room and saw only portions of my coffee table as it was nearly engulfed by books from Milner Library. They were only piled about two feet high or so but they felt insurmountable. This stack of books for a literature review made me feel so small, which is no easy task.
It was like looking up some steep mountain.
I am here by choice. We all are. I enjoy learning new aspects of the world around me; however, there is a point where you just look at how much work you have to do and then want to curl up into a fetal position and suck your thumb until the work is done, or is that just me?
One of my best friends is getting married and has an established job. He tells me about work and I tell him about my venture into studying empathy among socioeconomic statuses. He pretends to fall asleep when I do.
I have officially gotten too old to talk about school. People my age talk about going on vacation and 401k’s. I’m just sitting here like, “You know who had it right? Gramsci.”
Or, “So, the other day I raised my hand to ask a question and the teacher deliberately looked away!”
That’s a true story and I am 27. The sadness is real.
There is this great 80s movie called “Real Genius”. These geniuses are at a highly regarded MIT-like college. A group of them are studying for finals when all of the sudden on of them starts screaming. He stands up and runs out of the room screaming. The rest of them just go back to studying.
I am about one more theory away from doing that myself. I signed up for it, though. Maybe in the end I will look back and miss these stress-ridden days but right now, whenever I see those books, all I can think is, “I’m too old for this…stuff.”